the in-between

the young woman had never experienced this form of loneliness. she was stuck between two worlds, and the in-between sucked the life and air out of her lungs. the beautiful world of yesterday-filled with sisters, beautifully written words, music, fangirling, and adventures was viewed through a pinterest filter. then there was the world that contained constant chit-chat with unknown strangers, crude words, incomprehension, and the need to live in her counterfeit personality. whenever she began to live in her beautiful world, the woman realized it wasn't the same without the people dearest to her living in it. her heart began to believe she didn't belong in either and was just a lost and lonely soul.

leaving my "patria amada"

today i leave the country i call home to a strange land that outsiders refer to as my homeland. yesterday we left our beloved house along the banks of the amazon and said goodbye to all of our friends.
this past week i have had extremely mixed feelings about our year-long furlough. i am excited to visit new places, make more friends, see my sister again, shop for clothes and books, and drink plenty of starbucks. yet then again, i am absolutely terrified. how will i be able to live in the american society? i already freak every time i have to talk to someone i do not know. if i hate it, i cannot return. also, how will i be able to be away from all of my friends for a whole year? a thousand more thoughts, joys, and fears have crossed my mind this first week of summer.
but i know this: no matter what, my Redeemer, Saviour, and Friend will be with me through all my trials and difficulties this year. i may be leaving my patria amada, but the One i love most in this world will stay by my si…


closing the book the young girl slipped out of the bed now ready to face reality. she never understood how, but the fairy tales she read provided light to her dull life. the tales made it capable to face the shallow and misunderstanding people in her life. reading those fantasies made her feel like her life held purpose. the words that formed into stories showed that love still existed. the characters woven into the plot let her believe that heroes were out there.
however, on some days the fantasies were simply not capable of providing sufficient coverage from the darkness; 
instead, her story-filled books made her reality even grayer. the truth and loyalty between good friends in the tales showed her that she had no one to confide in. the "happy ever afters" made her feel like her life could never change for the better.
the beautifully printed words gave her no joy. 
on those days she believed that only villains existed.
fairy tales saved her from reality, yet at the same time realit…


"as a child I felt myself to be alone, and i am still, because i know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know. loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain values which others find inadmissible." -carl jung

these words are so accurate and true, and yet i have no words to explain why, not even simple ones.

what do i do?

what do i do?
i call you my friend, but are you really? 
we never seem to come to agreement.
every time i speak you slam me.
whenever i ask you something your response makes my heart hurt. 
would it really make a difference to you if i was not in your life?
i feel like every time i ask you how you truly are, you just say fine.
how can someone so shallow be my friend?
how come even though i have known you longer than any friend here you are the least closest to me? 
have i ever done anything to cause our relationship to rip?
they say opposites attract...but that is definitely not true for us.

the shooting star

walking home from her weekly class meeting, she gazed up toward the sky. through the power lines she saw the most extraordinary shooting star zip across the night sky. the star was enormous and blazing orange. she felt like she could have reached out and almost touched it. the day had been depressing, but that one glimpse of the shooting star turned her whole day around.